I am writing again and THIS TIME I MEAN IT.

Hey, remember when I was going to turn this into a cooking blog? Same HB, same day-to-day disasters, just with, you know, cooking thrown into the mix?

And I even archived my old posts and blew up my FB writer page so You Knew I Was Serious?

I look just like Beyonce. Only on the couch. In yoga pants. With a box of Cheez-Its balanced on my stomach.

Do you have any idea how much actual WORK goes into a cooking blog?
Because I did not.

Oh, you think you’re just gonna snap a few quick photos while you’re making dinner and call it a day, right? That’s ADORABLE. Let’s take a mini-tour through my Google Photos to show you how that works out:

Rice cooks in water, friends. #themoreyouknow

No worries, dinner party guests. I have enough cloudy, chunky zucchini juice to go around.

#foodblogger #butnot #getofftheinternet

You think you’re gonna throw together a quick step-by-step IG story on how to make a soufflé because it’s SO EASY and everyone should learn how to do it. Then you and your husband sit down to actually eat said soufflé at 10:30. PM. Only, by this time, said soufflé has retreated into its baking dish like a frightened turtle because you spent too much time taking photos for the Internet. Side note: It really is super-easy to make a soufflé, when you’re JUST MAKING THE DAMN SOUFFLÉ without styling shots (poorly) and taking photos of Every. Single. Step. Of. The. Process.

And then you stop watching your two-year-old for thirty seconds while you’re kneading a panade into ground lamb for grilled kofta:

You guys.
This is madness.

It’s time to admit – well, not admit defeat, exactly – but maybe to admit reality. Julia Child didn’t have kids bickering and pulling the house apart as she flambéed the veal. You almost never see toddlers with their fists jammed down their diapers yelling POOPY POOPY POOPY on Martha Stewart’s set. Yes, I love to cook, but my cuckoo-bananas home life prevents me from writing about it. I mean, maybe I’ll do an occasional cooking post when I have some extra …. yeah, no. You all know damn well what I’m doing with my exceedingly rare and precious spare time:

Back to homegrown disaster it is. Back to the old HB.
Back to the old stock theme. This (also stock) theme is cute and all, but it’s not me.
Back to writing on the interwebs about daily life around here and making Matt wince.
Back to reassuring all of you that the crazy nonsense going on in your homes is happening here, too.

I’m even bringing back the old posts.
But death to the FB writer page, you guys. I don’t have time for all that nonsense.

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15 thoughts on “I am writing again and THIS TIME I MEAN IT.

  1. Olivia says:

    Okay, this made me actually laugh out loud! This is so great! I love how easy it was to connect with your story.

    “Yes, I love to cook, but my cuckoo-bananas home life prevents me from writing about it.” >> this is SO true! Julia Child and Martha Stewart did not have toddlers running around behind them (or on the counters) and their cooking life is not our real life.

    Thank you for this. I needed a laugh. And I will eat cookies on the couch with you any time!

    • Heather says:

      Thanks! It feels good to be writing again, and in my own voice, and not worrying so much about what’s going to work. I DO WHAT I WANT IT’S MY SITE.

    • Heather says:

      This is why we really need to be neighbors, Stephanie. Did you know there are now TWO houses for sale on my street? And one is RIGHT NEXT DOOR. Book your plane tickets and bring your real-estate settlement pens. Let’s get this done already.

    • Heather says:

      <3 <3 <3 I’m so grateful that you’re always, always here, Lei!! You’ve seen plenty of that chaos first-hand. Three words: foosball table concussion. Love you!

  2. princesshungry says:

    OMG, you are hilarious and the photos totally make the post. Glad you’re back to writing… It wasn’t until I joined a memoir group (that I host so I can’t get out of it), plus a few sputters and starts, before I started writing more regularly. Batching helps too.

    And boy, do I know all about the crazy that goes behind launching a food/cooking blog… I’m trying to do that myself right now!

    Fingers crossed everything goes well on Monday!

    • Heather says:

      The sputters and starts are the hardest part of writing. With so many competing demands, I feel like it’s the only way I have to write. I do like the accountability of this new group, though – I think the deadlines spur my creative process.

      Look, if you can pull off a food blog, GO FOR IT. I can’t wait to see how yours develops. Monday is gonna be GREAT!

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